I was originally going to write about Imogen Heap's Twitter dress and all of its implications in this Modern Age, but despite Colbert replacing the winner's envelope with an iPad, and the Black Eyed Peas announcing, "Welcome to the future," I found myself saying repeatedly during last night's Grammys ceremony, "Really? I never thought I'd see this in 2010." Some of the throw-backs were welcome, but all of them proved just how outmoded and ridiculous the Grammys really are (and probably always have been).
1. Every single nominee in the Best Rock Album category. U2, Eric Clapton, AC/DC, Green Day, and Dave Matthews. Great, over forty years of legendary talent... each more irrelevant than the last.
2. Beyonce singing "You Oughta Know." OK. This was rad. It was just this subtle, yet powerful feminist statement, from the all-girl backing band (including horn section) to Beyonce's pelvis grab in the very beginning.
3. Seal as a presenter and "A Kiss From a Rose" as his entrance music. Hahaha.
4. Pink's recycled aerial ballet, similar to last year's VMAs. It was quite good, but certainly did not warrant tears from Keith Urban.
5. The big to-do about Bon Jovi's performance debut. Maybe the fact that it hadn't already happened in the last twenty years was a sign that it never needed to.
6. All those stupid pairings of nominees and "classic" artists.
- Stevie Nicks and Taylor Swift. Fine, I get it. Keeps NARIS heads happy or whatever. But seeing a 50-something year old woman sing, "You Belong with Me"=Rock Bottom.
- Elton John and Gaga. Brilliant. I loved it on so many levels, but most of all, it just didn't feel awkward. Sir Elton and the Lady actually fit together at their shared piano.
- Jaime Foxx, T. Pain, and Slash. Could this have been anymore disastrous? Blame it on the ah-ah-ah-alcohol, I guess.
7. Neil Portnow's plea to music fans. This was the last straw for me. It's 2010 and people in the music industry still think that somehow the record label, physical music sales, and the notion of ownership are going to rise from the dead a la Thriller. Better yet, they still imagine that it's all the consumer's fault and if we'd just pay them, it'd be OK. Listen, Neil, maybe if your industry came up with a business model that worked, we'd participate in it. How dare you guilt trip me on the stage of a completely useless awards show that costs millions dollars to produce. It is beyond insulting.
-- Heather Robertson
Photo credit: zimbio.com
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